I went to bed at around 11:30pm tonight, and I was so very very tired and I was going to SLEEP, and it was going to be perfection because, yeah, sleep has been a short visitor in the house of Swanky as of late. I was ready to welcome him home with open arms, two blankets and nice, clean, fresh sheets, a fluffy pillow and a whole twelve hours to enjoy his company. It was going to be wonderful when I woke up in the morning I was actually NOT GOING TO BE TIRED ANYMORE.
At midnight, my phone rang just as I was really starting to fall asleep. It was Cassie, and I felt like I really should answer. There are only a few people I would have taken the effort for, people that I know either wouldn't call that late unless it was an emergency or have been having a lot of issues recently. Cassie is one of those people. So I answered, and lit a smoke, and talked to Cassie for TWO HOURS, and now, now I can't sleep.
I tried, I did. I really, really did, because I'm so tired and I want to be able to sleep at night time and see the sun again and did I mention how tired I am? But, that's the problem: I'm too tired to sleep. I laid in bed for two hours, trying every trick I know to make myself fall asleep, but every time I close my eyes the world starts to spin or pulse or tilt from side to side and I have to open them again of I'll be ill.
And I was so looking forward to a day. You know, where there's sun and blue sky and, hell, at this point I's take torrential down pours if I could just say that I managed to see what my new porch looks like before dark. And it was going to be such a nice day tomorrow. Cool and crisp but still warm enough to mull about outside with little more than a sweatshirt, no rain, not even clouds really, and I was going to fucking enjoy it. Maybe read a book on my new porch, convince my father to let me take 10 bucks to Bread Co for some food that isn't fried and bland and, be still my beating heart, I could eat at lunchtime. See what my niffty new arm warms look like in the sunlight, visit with the friendly cat from somewhere in the neighborhood again. Anything, ANYTHING to get me out of this god forsaken apartment and out and about in the land of the living- while the living are in fact awake and... living...
Damn. It. All.
Read More...
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Can sleep deprivation break your nose?
I'm beginning to believe that (a) my sleeping pattern will never return to something even resembling normalcy and (b) I have a broken nose.
I slept for a total of 13 hours yesterday, forcing myself to stay in bed until at least a reasonably decent hour. I got up at about 3am when I couldn't stay in bed anymore and I have been up since, going beck to bed every few hours to see if I could get back to sleep. (I just typed "back to school" rather than "back to sleep". My brain is obviously fried.) I haven't been able to get back to sleep, but I think that when I go back to bed again after I type this up I just might be able to. I need to get back to sleeping at night and living during the day, but I really don't know what else to do. o_0
My nose hurts. Like, really really hurts. I've been getting nose bleeds for the past couple of days, most likely to do with the freakish way that it can pour until the entrance to my building, at the top of a hill, is flooded and still manage to have air as dry as the Sahara. I think I spelled that wrong... Anyway, it's gotten to the point where having my glasses perched on my nose is causing me pain. When I lay down, I have to arrange myself so that my nose is neither leaning to the left or right, and that gravity is not pulling on it too hard. I'm not even joking. My brother tossed a towel at me earlier, and it barely grazed my nose but it brought tears to my eyes. There's no bruises or anything, but god it hurts. I can't have a broken nose, right? There would be bruising, or swelling, or something right? It would require some sort of contact to cause the break, right? Don't your eyes go black when you break your nose? See, none of that. Just... really fucking hurts and won't stop bleeding. Not bleeding bad, just enough to make me sniffle every few minutes, but still. This isn't looking good.
My minutes reset today, so people can call me again if they want. I'm going to go to bed, arrange myself so that my nose doesn't kill me, and try to get another hour and a half or so of sleep, but after that, feel free to give me a ring.
Random side note: I've been listening to podfics recently (fanfiction read aloud which is really popular in the Stargate: Atlantis fandom right now) and one of the readers should do this for money. I swear to god, she's got a better audio-book voice than the guy who reads the Harry Potter books. She rules. There's a different reader who should have her mouth stapled shut, though, so I guess the world keeps it's balance...
Also, I love John Sheppard. I also love Rodney McKay. I really love the both of them together. And Carson is funny.
Ronon is hot- had no reason for that, he's not been in any of the fics I've been listening to, just thought it needed to be said. Read More...
I slept for a total of 13 hours yesterday, forcing myself to stay in bed until at least a reasonably decent hour. I got up at about 3am when I couldn't stay in bed anymore and I have been up since, going beck to bed every few hours to see if I could get back to sleep. (I just typed "back to school" rather than "back to sleep". My brain is obviously fried.) I haven't been able to get back to sleep, but I think that when I go back to bed again after I type this up I just might be able to. I need to get back to sleeping at night and living during the day, but I really don't know what else to do. o_0
My nose hurts. Like, really really hurts. I've been getting nose bleeds for the past couple of days, most likely to do with the freakish way that it can pour until the entrance to my building, at the top of a hill, is flooded and still manage to have air as dry as the Sahara. I think I spelled that wrong... Anyway, it's gotten to the point where having my glasses perched on my nose is causing me pain. When I lay down, I have to arrange myself so that my nose is neither leaning to the left or right, and that gravity is not pulling on it too hard. I'm not even joking. My brother tossed a towel at me earlier, and it barely grazed my nose but it brought tears to my eyes. There's no bruises or anything, but god it hurts. I can't have a broken nose, right? There would be bruising, or swelling, or something right? It would require some sort of contact to cause the break, right? Don't your eyes go black when you break your nose? See, none of that. Just... really fucking hurts and won't stop bleeding. Not bleeding bad, just enough to make me sniffle every few minutes, but still. This isn't looking good.
My minutes reset today, so people can call me again if they want. I'm going to go to bed, arrange myself so that my nose doesn't kill me, and try to get another hour and a half or so of sleep, but after that, feel free to give me a ring.
Random side note: I've been listening to podfics recently (fanfiction read aloud which is really popular in the Stargate: Atlantis fandom right now) and one of the readers should do this for money. I swear to god, she's got a better audio-book voice than the guy who reads the Harry Potter books. She rules. There's a different reader who should have her mouth stapled shut, though, so I guess the world keeps it's balance...
Also, I love John Sheppard. I also love Rodney McKay. I really love the both of them together. And Carson is funny.
Ronon is hot- had no reason for that, he's not been in any of the fics I've been listening to, just thought it needed to be said. Read More...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
How Did My Life Come To This?
It's really a simple question- a very simple task. Find the moment in which all sanity left my life. Really, the solution requires no more than thought, sifting through foggy memory to find that one shining moment in which my life switched from one reality to another. One would think a thing like that- the leaving of one space-time and entering of another- would be something that would be easy to recognize- especially when that brave new world you seem to have be transported to has no semblance of order or logic as you once knew them.
Yes, it's a simple question, with an equally simple answer, but hell if I can find it.
My father believes that he is going to be offered a job in Witchitaw(sp?), Kansas, about 6 hours from St. Louis and all it's glory. Obviously, it would be completely crappy of him to have dragged Michael all the way out here in hopes of finding a break in the St. Louis music world and then, less than a full four months later, drag him six hours from said music world. But then, life is crappy sometimes, or so that's how it seems to me- hell, to be honest it seems to me that life is crappy most of the time, which just makes those few not-so-crappy moments all the more memorable. So, yes, I understand that it would suck for Michael to move to Whichataw(sp?). That part of my father's thought process seems to remain in the original space-time with it's orderly construction of logic.
And, granted, it would be sucky for me to have to move to Witchataw(sp?) as well. I mean, I have friends here in St. Louis. Really, when it boils down to it, that's all I have here, but it's better than nothing. I suppose life would not be too different being 6 hours from those friends than it is being here, twenty minutes from those friends. It's not like I go out often with them- not really anyway- and I have lived without enjoyable company in my general vicinity before, I could do it again. Still, it's nice to have the option of going out with my friends, even if I do not act on it. So, once again, I can understand the logic behind the statement "Swanky may not want to move". I am on the same page with my father there, but there it ends.
Perhaps this reality is not lacking in logic at all, now that I think of it. I mean, there is an obvious correlation between "this would be sucky" and my father's next stop on the Logic Express. Perhaps instead, it is that I have missed that particular train, still believing myself to be in the space-time in which undeniable fact is just that- undeniable. Yes, I believe that is it. It seems the reality that my life has entered is not ruled by fact but rather by very, very wishful thinking. Perhaps, then, the key to finding where the tear in space-time occurred and I was whisked away from my nice orderly reality with it's facts and logic and into this strange world which revolves around only the illusion of Logic is to find the moment in which the reality of my life became hinged on simply wishing something were fact rather than fact itself. Perhaps the problem is simply that even though I have been transported to this new space-time, my mind is still trained to function in my original universe, the universe in which fact is fact and wishing is wishing. I'm surprised entropy hasn't set in yet, considering the amount of time I have been functioning in an unnatural space-time. Well, I suppose I could have simply replaced the Swanky of this space-time and therefore there would be no cause for entropy in either reality- though I haven't been endowed with the ability to dismiss fact for wishful thinking, so the entropy would still occur because of the fact that I am a radical particle in this space-time. But then, perhaps that is the problem, perhaps that is not a fact here, because who would wish for the end of the universe due to radical particles, entropy and chaos. If Wishful thinking is fact, then fact is dependent on someone wishing it were so...
No mind, the basics of the situation have been stated, all other musings on the topic are both frivolous and useless to our current problem: the inability of my mind to mesh with this space-time's version of Logic. I suppose the best way to go about answering this is to expand my test area and see how much of my reality has been effected.
Does it make sense to anyone else why my father would go from "this would be sucky" to "I must keep an apartment here for Michael and Swanky and one in Whichitaw(sp?) for myself, driving six hours one way each Friday and Sunday to commute between the two, leaving Swanky with no form of transport, money, or livelihood for five of the seven days in a week, for no other reason than so that they do not have to move." Well class, does anyone see the problem with this logic?
Life is still sucky, no matter how hard you wish it otherwise. What is the point in making the rest of not only your own life, but two other people's lives sucky just to save one not-so-sucky aspect? There will be not-so-sucky things about Whitchiataw(sp?). It may take us all a while to find them, but they are there. What is one not-so-sucky thing to another, when your options are that one thing or a life completely full of suck? Does anyone know the answer? Any ideas? Don't be afraid to raise your hand, here...
Anyone?
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?...
In case you hadn't realized about four sentences into this entry, I've been watching too much Startgate: Atlantis, with it's space travel and rifts between dimensions and really hot Aliens and snarky Astrophysicists. For those unfamiliar with the native language of M34-667 (aptly named "Planest of the Geeks), here is a simple translation for you, paragraph by paragraph:
1. Everyone I know is nuts.
2. I'm confused.
3. My father might be moving to Whitchiataw (I have no idea how to spell that and I am too lazy to look it up so I'll just use all the spelling options at once), Kansas. He doesn't think it would be fair of him to make Michael move there after dragging him all the way out here in the first place.
4. I don't particularly want to move, but what can you do. My father doesn't think it would be fair to force me to move either.
5. There is no point to this paragraph but to amuse me.
6. Back to the topic at hand: I'm confused, please help.
7. My father wants to maintain an apartment for my brother and I here and one for himself in Kansas, and I really don't see how that is (a) logical, (b) an acceptable option given that we are all adults and no longer need to be protected from the big bad world of REALITY, and (z) feasible given that we could barely make our bills with their spending habits when we have only one apartment to maintain, less commute, and only $5,000 less a year!
8. Can anyone tell me how it makes sense to try to blindly hide from the fact that life sucks sometimes and go making everything more difficult for everyone to save ONE comfort for some?
9. Anyone?
10. Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?... Read More...
Yes, it's a simple question, with an equally simple answer, but hell if I can find it.
My father believes that he is going to be offered a job in Witchitaw(sp?), Kansas, about 6 hours from St. Louis and all it's glory. Obviously, it would be completely crappy of him to have dragged Michael all the way out here in hopes of finding a break in the St. Louis music world and then, less than a full four months later, drag him six hours from said music world. But then, life is crappy sometimes, or so that's how it seems to me- hell, to be honest it seems to me that life is crappy most of the time, which just makes those few not-so-crappy moments all the more memorable. So, yes, I understand that it would suck for Michael to move to Whichataw(sp?). That part of my father's thought process seems to remain in the original space-time with it's orderly construction of logic.
And, granted, it would be sucky for me to have to move to Witchataw(sp?) as well. I mean, I have friends here in St. Louis. Really, when it boils down to it, that's all I have here, but it's better than nothing. I suppose life would not be too different being 6 hours from those friends than it is being here, twenty minutes from those friends. It's not like I go out often with them- not really anyway- and I have lived without enjoyable company in my general vicinity before, I could do it again. Still, it's nice to have the option of going out with my friends, even if I do not act on it. So, once again, I can understand the logic behind the statement "Swanky may not want to move". I am on the same page with my father there, but there it ends.
Perhaps this reality is not lacking in logic at all, now that I think of it. I mean, there is an obvious correlation between "this would be sucky" and my father's next stop on the Logic Express. Perhaps instead, it is that I have missed that particular train, still believing myself to be in the space-time in which undeniable fact is just that- undeniable. Yes, I believe that is it. It seems the reality that my life has entered is not ruled by fact but rather by very, very wishful thinking. Perhaps, then, the key to finding where the tear in space-time occurred and I was whisked away from my nice orderly reality with it's facts and logic and into this strange world which revolves around only the illusion of Logic is to find the moment in which the reality of my life became hinged on simply wishing something were fact rather than fact itself. Perhaps the problem is simply that even though I have been transported to this new space-time, my mind is still trained to function in my original universe, the universe in which fact is fact and wishing is wishing. I'm surprised entropy hasn't set in yet, considering the amount of time I have been functioning in an unnatural space-time. Well, I suppose I could have simply replaced the Swanky of this space-time and therefore there would be no cause for entropy in either reality- though I haven't been endowed with the ability to dismiss fact for wishful thinking, so the entropy would still occur because of the fact that I am a radical particle in this space-time. But then, perhaps that is the problem, perhaps that is not a fact here, because who would wish for the end of the universe due to radical particles, entropy and chaos. If Wishful thinking is fact, then fact is dependent on someone wishing it were so...
No mind, the basics of the situation have been stated, all other musings on the topic are both frivolous and useless to our current problem: the inability of my mind to mesh with this space-time's version of Logic. I suppose the best way to go about answering this is to expand my test area and see how much of my reality has been effected.
Does it make sense to anyone else why my father would go from "this would be sucky" to "I must keep an apartment here for Michael and Swanky and one in Whichitaw(sp?) for myself, driving six hours one way each Friday and Sunday to commute between the two, leaving Swanky with no form of transport, money, or livelihood for five of the seven days in a week, for no other reason than so that they do not have to move." Well class, does anyone see the problem with this logic?
Life is still sucky, no matter how hard you wish it otherwise. What is the point in making the rest of not only your own life, but two other people's lives sucky just to save one not-so-sucky aspect? There will be not-so-sucky things about Whitchiataw(sp?). It may take us all a while to find them, but they are there. What is one not-so-sucky thing to another, when your options are that one thing or a life completely full of suck? Does anyone know the answer? Any ideas? Don't be afraid to raise your hand, here...
Anyone?
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?...
In case you hadn't realized about four sentences into this entry, I've been watching too much Startgate: Atlantis, with it's space travel and rifts between dimensions and really hot Aliens and snarky Astrophysicists. For those unfamiliar with the native language of M34-667 (aptly named "Planest of the Geeks), here is a simple translation for you, paragraph by paragraph:
1. Everyone I know is nuts.
2. I'm confused.
3. My father might be moving to Whitchiataw (I have no idea how to spell that and I am too lazy to look it up so I'll just use all the spelling options at once), Kansas. He doesn't think it would be fair of him to make Michael move there after dragging him all the way out here in the first place.
4. I don't particularly want to move, but what can you do. My father doesn't think it would be fair to force me to move either.
5. There is no point to this paragraph but to amuse me.
6. Back to the topic at hand: I'm confused, please help.
7. My father wants to maintain an apartment for my brother and I here and one for himself in Kansas, and I really don't see how that is (a) logical, (b) an acceptable option given that we are all adults and no longer need to be protected from the big bad world of REALITY, and (z) feasible given that we could barely make our bills with their spending habits when we have only one apartment to maintain, less commute, and only $5,000 less a year!
8. Can anyone tell me how it makes sense to try to blindly hide from the fact that life sucks sometimes and go making everything more difficult for everyone to save ONE comfort for some?
9. Anyone?
10. Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?... Read More...
Thursday, March 13, 2008
As Promised
Ok, so I promised to update with how my trip went. It was a lot of fun, actually. Enlightening even, but I'll get to that in a minute.
We left on Monday morning and drove out to Lexington, Kentucky to see a show. It was a long ride, six and a half hours each way, but it was fun nonetheless. It was just me and Abby in the car, and we talked the whole way there and the whole way back. Once we got there we only had a few minutes before the show started. I felt bad because I didn't help Abby with the DVD's and Cookbooks like I thought I was going to, but it didn't seem like she needed me and I was worried I would just be more in the way than anything if I went over to help. If she had asked me to take over the table for her so she could have a break, I would have done so in a heartbeat, though.
Anyway, the show was awesome. There was a brand new band there called "The Wands" who were these two adorable high school students who really reminded me of what I was like back then. They write songs from the point of view of a wand. lol that's exactly something that me and friends would have come up with when we were 17. They also do another band call "The Literatures" in which they write songs about all books. They played two songs they wrote about Julius Caesar which made me cry I was laughing so hard. They were really good. Everyone was really good, actually. Tom Riddle and Friends were hilarious, as usual, The Remus Lupins were energetic and lots of fun, as usual, and Gred and Forge got me really pumped about Wrockstock since the next I see them will be there. It was a good show. ^_^
I also had a nice chat with Stephanie- Gerald of Gred and Forge's wife- about the Beatles and the movie Across the Universe. I haven't had a chance to watch it yet, though I've had the links to it for months now. A few days ago, while I was at Virginia's, Opra had the cast on her show and they did a little medley from the movie. It was horrible and I was really, REALLY worried that this movie was just going to piss me off. Stephanie is also a huge Beatles fan, and claims that one of the guys in the movie was good enough to balance out everyone else, and that over all it was really good. So, maybe I will watch it... I'm still nervous though. You just don't fuck with the Beatles. o_0
After the show we all went out for pizza, and I have to say, I nearly died when they put the pizza on the table and it had a crust. The cracker-crust pizza they have around here is just... gross. It was nice to have some real pizza again. lol The best parts of dinner were (a) it was near midnight and I hadn't eaten since 8am so the food was AWESOME and (b) getting to watch Cassie click so well with Jen and Bobert. I knew they would get on famously, and they hadn't had a chance to meet before. It was great fun to see my friends having such a good time with each other.
After dinner we went to the hotel, had a little party- at which Cassie, Jen and Bobert got nicely drunk- and just hung out. I was really tired and bit burned out from all the socializing I've been doing, so I mostly kept to myself and watched everyone else. Bobert made me take a sip of his Vodka, Amaretto, orange juice drink thing- which was actually much better than it sounds- but other than that I didn't drink anything. I still had fun, though. I like watching people, so it was cool to see everyone interact, to see the band members getting a chance to just hang out like normal people without worrying about crazy fangirls and the like. Oh, and Abby and Gerald did "bible diving" which was hilarious. ^_^
After that it was all rather fast going. We went to bed, got back in the car and drove home. Again, I was in the car with Abby, and, again, we talked the whole way, Which was perhaps the most interesting part of the whole trip. Actually, it was the conversation with Abby that I really wanted to write about here. It was, enlightening, to say the least.
So, some background for you, in case you either haven't heard or don't remember. I don't particularly get along well with Abby. We clash because of our personalities. Not our opinions or anything- at least, not often on our opinions- but our personalities are very different. She's strung rather tightly, very emotional, very in-your-face. I'm not. She annoys me with the way she acts, and I come off as weak to her, which is something she can't stand, weakness.
Beyond our own issues, there has also been an issue with my friend Cassie in the mix. Abby has been very... well just not nice to Cassie recently. They were getting along famously, as they are very similar, but then suddenly it seemed like Abby had it out for Cassie. Anytime she could set something up in contrast to what Cassie was doing she would. If Cassie invited people go out somewhere, Abby would invite the same people to go out with her somewhere else at the same time. When we would all get together it seemed like Abby was trying to isolate Cassie from the group, changing plans to something that Cassie wouldn't be able to do. And then once Abby had Cassie friends away from her, she would complain about Cassie and try to make it seem like she was trying to protect us all from her. No one could figure out WHY she was acting like this, but it seemed that everyone noticed it.
I was very worried that Abby was going to go off about Cassie during this trip and it would become an issue. Cassie is the closest friend I have made out here, and I don't do so well when other people are mean to my friends. I was worried we would get into a fight, her complaining about or attacking Cassie, and me jumping on her for doing so. Amazingly, that didn't happen.
We did talk about Cassie a bit, and I think that I understand Abby a lot more because of it. Abby is worried about Cassie, this is true, but there is more to it than just that. Cassie reminds Abby of what she was like at one of the worst times of her life, if more hiding behind a bubbly exterior than an angry one as Abby did. I think that beyond being worried about Cassie, Abby is made uncomfortable by the constant reminder Cassie has become of Abby's own issues. I can't say that seeing this excuses Abby's behavior at all, but it does help me to understand it better, and hopefully it can help me to help them understand each other better.
Aside from the Cassie thing, being alone with Abby for so long was enlightening on its own. We have a lot in common actually. We've been through a lot of the same things, albeit mine to a much lesser degree than hers, and we hold a lot of the same views. Even the differences in our personalities didn't become and issue once I figured out how to talk to her with out making her feel like she needed to be defensive. I have to say that it seems that Abby is the type of person I could be very good friends with when it's just me and her. We still clash a bit in a group setting, but I did notice that the dynamic between the two of us was different even then after our six hour conversation on the way there. I think we are both more aware of who the other is, and better equipped to deal with each other.
I'm actually really glad for it. Like I said, I think that Abby and I could be really good friends on a one on one basis, and I'm looking forward to that. If she were more laid back, or if I were less laid back, we'd be damn near the same person in a lot of ways. It's funny, because Cassie and I are like that, too. It seems like I'm the half way point between the two of them, Abby being on the aggressive side and Cassie on the bubbly side, me in the middle. We hold a lot of the same views, have a lot of the same interests, have similar pasts etc. but we express ourselves in completely different ways. I think if we can all learn to look more closely at each other we could make one killer of a trio. Cassie and I figured out how to see each other through the hazy that is 'personal appearance' rather quickly, but approaching Abby has been more difficult for the both of us, and vice versa. If we can put forth a little effort I can see the three of us being very close and becoming one hell of a force to reckon with. ^_^
Alright, there are a few more things that went on this weekend, but in all honesty, I don;t feel comfortable talking about them here. Really, you most likely don;t want to read it anyway. ^_- If you have to hear about it, call me. ^_^
Until next time, my friends,
~Swanky Read More...
We left on Monday morning and drove out to Lexington, Kentucky to see a show. It was a long ride, six and a half hours each way, but it was fun nonetheless. It was just me and Abby in the car, and we talked the whole way there and the whole way back. Once we got there we only had a few minutes before the show started. I felt bad because I didn't help Abby with the DVD's and Cookbooks like I thought I was going to, but it didn't seem like she needed me and I was worried I would just be more in the way than anything if I went over to help. If she had asked me to take over the table for her so she could have a break, I would have done so in a heartbeat, though.
Anyway, the show was awesome. There was a brand new band there called "The Wands" who were these two adorable high school students who really reminded me of what I was like back then. They write songs from the point of view of a wand. lol that's exactly something that me and friends would have come up with when we were 17. They also do another band call "The Literatures" in which they write songs about all books. They played two songs they wrote about Julius Caesar which made me cry I was laughing so hard. They were really good. Everyone was really good, actually. Tom Riddle and Friends were hilarious, as usual, The Remus Lupins were energetic and lots of fun, as usual, and Gred and Forge got me really pumped about Wrockstock since the next I see them will be there. It was a good show. ^_^
I also had a nice chat with Stephanie- Gerald of Gred and Forge's wife- about the Beatles and the movie Across the Universe. I haven't had a chance to watch it yet, though I've had the links to it for months now. A few days ago, while I was at Virginia's, Opra had the cast on her show and they did a little medley from the movie. It was horrible and I was really, REALLY worried that this movie was just going to piss me off. Stephanie is also a huge Beatles fan, and claims that one of the guys in the movie was good enough to balance out everyone else, and that over all it was really good. So, maybe I will watch it... I'm still nervous though. You just don't fuck with the Beatles. o_0
After the show we all went out for pizza, and I have to say, I nearly died when they put the pizza on the table and it had a crust. The cracker-crust pizza they have around here is just... gross. It was nice to have some real pizza again. lol The best parts of dinner were (a) it was near midnight and I hadn't eaten since 8am so the food was AWESOME and (b) getting to watch Cassie click so well with Jen and Bobert. I knew they would get on famously, and they hadn't had a chance to meet before. It was great fun to see my friends having such a good time with each other.
After dinner we went to the hotel, had a little party- at which Cassie, Jen and Bobert got nicely drunk- and just hung out. I was really tired and bit burned out from all the socializing I've been doing, so I mostly kept to myself and watched everyone else. Bobert made me take a sip of his Vodka, Amaretto, orange juice drink thing- which was actually much better than it sounds- but other than that I didn't drink anything. I still had fun, though. I like watching people, so it was cool to see everyone interact, to see the band members getting a chance to just hang out like normal people without worrying about crazy fangirls and the like. Oh, and Abby and Gerald did "bible diving" which was hilarious. ^_^
After that it was all rather fast going. We went to bed, got back in the car and drove home. Again, I was in the car with Abby, and, again, we talked the whole way, Which was perhaps the most interesting part of the whole trip. Actually, it was the conversation with Abby that I really wanted to write about here. It was, enlightening, to say the least.
So, some background for you, in case you either haven't heard or don't remember. I don't particularly get along well with Abby. We clash because of our personalities. Not our opinions or anything- at least, not often on our opinions- but our personalities are very different. She's strung rather tightly, very emotional, very in-your-face. I'm not. She annoys me with the way she acts, and I come off as weak to her, which is something she can't stand, weakness.
Beyond our own issues, there has also been an issue with my friend Cassie in the mix. Abby has been very... well just not nice to Cassie recently. They were getting along famously, as they are very similar, but then suddenly it seemed like Abby had it out for Cassie. Anytime she could set something up in contrast to what Cassie was doing she would. If Cassie invited people go out somewhere, Abby would invite the same people to go out with her somewhere else at the same time. When we would all get together it seemed like Abby was trying to isolate Cassie from the group, changing plans to something that Cassie wouldn't be able to do. And then once Abby had Cassie friends away from her, she would complain about Cassie and try to make it seem like she was trying to protect us all from her. No one could figure out WHY she was acting like this, but it seemed that everyone noticed it.
I was very worried that Abby was going to go off about Cassie during this trip and it would become an issue. Cassie is the closest friend I have made out here, and I don't do so well when other people are mean to my friends. I was worried we would get into a fight, her complaining about or attacking Cassie, and me jumping on her for doing so. Amazingly, that didn't happen.
We did talk about Cassie a bit, and I think that I understand Abby a lot more because of it. Abby is worried about Cassie, this is true, but there is more to it than just that. Cassie reminds Abby of what she was like at one of the worst times of her life, if more hiding behind a bubbly exterior than an angry one as Abby did. I think that beyond being worried about Cassie, Abby is made uncomfortable by the constant reminder Cassie has become of Abby's own issues. I can't say that seeing this excuses Abby's behavior at all, but it does help me to understand it better, and hopefully it can help me to help them understand each other better.
Aside from the Cassie thing, being alone with Abby for so long was enlightening on its own. We have a lot in common actually. We've been through a lot of the same things, albeit mine to a much lesser degree than hers, and we hold a lot of the same views. Even the differences in our personalities didn't become and issue once I figured out how to talk to her with out making her feel like she needed to be defensive. I have to say that it seems that Abby is the type of person I could be very good friends with when it's just me and her. We still clash a bit in a group setting, but I did notice that the dynamic between the two of us was different even then after our six hour conversation on the way there. I think we are both more aware of who the other is, and better equipped to deal with each other.
I'm actually really glad for it. Like I said, I think that Abby and I could be really good friends on a one on one basis, and I'm looking forward to that. If she were more laid back, or if I were less laid back, we'd be damn near the same person in a lot of ways. It's funny, because Cassie and I are like that, too. It seems like I'm the half way point between the two of them, Abby being on the aggressive side and Cassie on the bubbly side, me in the middle. We hold a lot of the same views, have a lot of the same interests, have similar pasts etc. but we express ourselves in completely different ways. I think if we can all learn to look more closely at each other we could make one killer of a trio. Cassie and I figured out how to see each other through the hazy that is 'personal appearance' rather quickly, but approaching Abby has been more difficult for the both of us, and vice versa. If we can put forth a little effort I can see the three of us being very close and becoming one hell of a force to reckon with. ^_^
Alright, there are a few more things that went on this weekend, but in all honesty, I don;t feel comfortable talking about them here. Really, you most likely don;t want to read it anyway. ^_- If you have to hear about it, call me. ^_^
Until next time, my friends,
~Swanky Read More...
Monday, March 10, 2008
To my dearest readers...
All two of you,
I shall be leaving for a short overnight to Kentucky in a few minutes and, as Francine keeps badgering me to update this thing more often, I felt I ought to leave a quick note to you here. This shall be a rather short entry, as I only have a few moments and a few things to say, so pay attention, for if you blink you shall miss all the good parts. All, please disregard the absurd phrasing of this entry- it is well before time that any reasonable person would be awake and I have only managed a few hours of sleep last night.
First, I am very excited about this little excursion. I am going to see three of my favorite bands tonight and severals friends that I do not get to see often- of course, I do get to see them more often than I get to see either of you, but that is besides the point. I would like to point out that I am apparently incapable of holding a normal conversation with the leading man of one of these bands without interjecting random embarrassing facts and stories about myself, the headliner of the second band has a strange fascination with making certain that I enjoy his presence which I find dreadfully annoying, and one of the two members of the third band and I have shared an interesting history consisting mostly of lewd acts in bathrooms. It should be interesting.
Second, I miss you. Getting to go on a short road trip such as the one I am about to embark on serves to remind me that I cannot take a road trip to see you, which makes me terribly sad. I love my friends here, I do, but I have to admit that I find their company a bit lacking when compared to those who know me best, such as yourselves. Perhaps now would be a good time to promise that, come hell or high water- a phrase I never quite understood the appeal of until recently- I will see the both of you before the end of this year. However, it still saddens me to think that said visit may have to wait until just before the end of the year.
Third, the levels of testosterone and idiocy in this house are starting to drive me a bit batty- so much so that I recently spent a solid three days visiting Virginia, dealing with a bratty four year old who stutters, trying to appease a new born who has an inexplicable habit of screaming every time you even think about putting her down, and listening to the ramblings of a woman who's entire functioning brain mass could quite possibly fit in the space of my right pinky nail. The most common thoughts running through my head for the duration were, of course, "I may have to kill this child." and "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WRONG YOU ARE!" Nevertheless, it was an almost nice break from the constant running commentary I have been experiencing about the connection between men, hormones, and the killing of braincells one could not afford to loose.
Well, I have now updated you on everything that has been going on in my life, and my ride should be here any moment, so I really should go. I shall post again when I return- sometime tomorrow night or Wednesday afternoon when I wake up- to tell you all about my short trip, I promise. Also, as I recently appealed to Francine about my lack of interesting topics, I shall be leaving a post about doorknobs in the very near future as well. I believe she has seriously underestimated my ability to wax poetical- or perhaps its more waxing philosophical in my case- on any given topic. I strongly suggest that if you wish to see more consistent updates to this blog that you leave a comment on each entry I post with a suggested topic. I am incapable of ignoring a request to write about something, but I have been experiencing a serious lack of life recently and cannot come up with anything even remotely interesting to write about myself.
Until next time, my friends, stay at least marginally sane.
Sincerely,
Me
Post Script: This entry ended up much longer than I thought it would be when I first set out. Again, I apologize for the wording, but I must make my boring life at least seem interesting if I am to suffer writing about it for you.
~Me Read More...
I shall be leaving for a short overnight to Kentucky in a few minutes and, as Francine keeps badgering me to update this thing more often, I felt I ought to leave a quick note to you here. This shall be a rather short entry, as I only have a few moments and a few things to say, so pay attention, for if you blink you shall miss all the good parts. All, please disregard the absurd phrasing of this entry- it is well before time that any reasonable person would be awake and I have only managed a few hours of sleep last night.
First, I am very excited about this little excursion. I am going to see three of my favorite bands tonight and severals friends that I do not get to see often- of course, I do get to see them more often than I get to see either of you, but that is besides the point. I would like to point out that I am apparently incapable of holding a normal conversation with the leading man of one of these bands without interjecting random embarrassing facts and stories about myself, the headliner of the second band has a strange fascination with making certain that I enjoy his presence which I find dreadfully annoying, and one of the two members of the third band and I have shared an interesting history consisting mostly of lewd acts in bathrooms. It should be interesting.
Second, I miss you. Getting to go on a short road trip such as the one I am about to embark on serves to remind me that I cannot take a road trip to see you, which makes me terribly sad. I love my friends here, I do, but I have to admit that I find their company a bit lacking when compared to those who know me best, such as yourselves. Perhaps now would be a good time to promise that, come hell or high water- a phrase I never quite understood the appeal of until recently- I will see the both of you before the end of this year. However, it still saddens me to think that said visit may have to wait until just before the end of the year.
Third, the levels of testosterone and idiocy in this house are starting to drive me a bit batty- so much so that I recently spent a solid three days visiting Virginia, dealing with a bratty four year old who stutters, trying to appease a new born who has an inexplicable habit of screaming every time you even think about putting her down, and listening to the ramblings of a woman who's entire functioning brain mass could quite possibly fit in the space of my right pinky nail. The most common thoughts running through my head for the duration were, of course, "I may have to kill this child." and "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW WRONG YOU ARE!" Nevertheless, it was an almost nice break from the constant running commentary I have been experiencing about the connection between men, hormones, and the killing of braincells one could not afford to loose.
Well, I have now updated you on everything that has been going on in my life, and my ride should be here any moment, so I really should go. I shall post again when I return- sometime tomorrow night or Wednesday afternoon when I wake up- to tell you all about my short trip, I promise. Also, as I recently appealed to Francine about my lack of interesting topics, I shall be leaving a post about doorknobs in the very near future as well. I believe she has seriously underestimated my ability to wax poetical- or perhaps its more waxing philosophical in my case- on any given topic. I strongly suggest that if you wish to see more consistent updates to this blog that you leave a comment on each entry I post with a suggested topic. I am incapable of ignoring a request to write about something, but I have been experiencing a serious lack of life recently and cannot come up with anything even remotely interesting to write about myself.
Until next time, my friends, stay at least marginally sane.
Sincerely,
Me
Post Script: This entry ended up much longer than I thought it would be when I first set out. Again, I apologize for the wording, but I must make my boring life at least seem interesting if I am to suffer writing about it for you.
~Me Read More...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
