I'm taking my toys and leaving. *huff*

So, life went an go very busy. Haven't really had time to talk to much of anyone recently, but there are a few things going on I really want to tell you all about. So here I am.

Does everyone know that my father lost his job in November? Well, he did, and we've been pretty much living off my dime since. Which is BAD, because I can't afford all the crap we have. But, I've been doing an ok job I think. Nothing has gotten turned off, yet, and everything has some sort of payment on it. Except for my loans, but, ask them, it's just m credit going to hell there, certainly not as important as THEIR bills.

Yeah, that's a little annoying. I man, in all honesty, of the bills we have, the student loans are just about last on my list of priorities. I mean, can't very well not pay the gas or electric. Have to keep the car, so that has to get paid, need the car insurance, so that's another thing. Also, got to keep the phone and internet so that my father can continue his job search. We need gas for the cars so that Mike and I can get to work, and we need food in the house. So really, what else am I gonna cut out? The rent, cause yeah, I am NOT even attempting to pay that monstrous bill for this place. It's not worth it, and if they can take the approach of "It's not my credit, why do I care?" with me, then I can do it with them.

So, I told them that we needed to find a place more within my budget and that rather than paying the rent for Jan, we should use that money for moving costs so we can be out before the eviction process really takes hold. That was in early Dec. I gave them a MONTH to find places to look at, set up appts, and pick some place. More than a month when you consider that I told them we would be planing on moving he weekend of Jan 16th, even. Did the do that? No. Last weekend I found places in what I thought would be the area's Michael wants to stay in (needs to be south so he's close to his studio space) and that had everything my father wants (needs to include washer/dryer, off street parking, and at least two bed rooms) and with in my price range (I'll go all the way up to 700/month though really, I can barely afford 500 a month). So, I found about 25 of these places, and I asked them to (a) pick a few they thought looked most promising and (b) let me know what times/days they would be available to go look at them. In the mean time, I paid the other bills and made the last installment on December's rent instead of paying my loans. Did they bother to even look at what I gave them? No. it was a little more than frustrating.

So, Wednesday comes around, New Year's Eve, and I am heading out to Virginia's house just as my brother gets home. Which it was good I caught him, because even still I never see him and I was gonna have like two dollars left this week after paying the electric and we would need smokes and gas through to the 9th when I get paid again. So my father asks him if he's cashed his check yet and has the 50 he's been giving each week to help with bills (yeah, he's only giving 50, which granted, is about 1/3 of his weekly pay, but it leaves him with 100 each week, where as I make about 630 every two weeks and have given at least 590 each pay check since dad lost his job. Not exactly fair, but what ever, bitching about it won't change anything). So, no, he hadn't cashed his check yet. And then, THEN, he says to dad "Well, I'm not working for the next 8 days so you might want to ask HER how much SHE makes and what SHE'S gonna give." Like I haven't done anything up to this point. Which, of course, I can see where he got that idea from. Because his 200 bucks a month is so paying for the phone and internet, the electricity, Dec rent, the gas, smokes for me and dad, food for the house, gas for both cars, and, oh yeah, CHRISTMAS GIFTS. Yeah, that was all covered on his 200 bucks. Fucking asshole. But, I didn't say anything about it, just told him AGAIN to look over the apartments and left for Virginia's.

Now, I have been doing a very good job of not freaking out over all this. I freaked a bit in late November when my account wen in the arrears because I had forgotten to turn off one of my automatic payments. For like three days I was tearing through my house trying to find things to sell because it was gonna be almost two weeks before I would get paid again and at that rate, I'd owe the bank half of my pay check. Then I found out that my bank doesn't charge daily when you go over. You get the bounce charge, and then that's it. So I stopped freaking out and called a few places to re-arrange payments. It was fine. When Michael told me he wouldn't be getting paid for the next 8 days, which, in Michael-speak means "fuck you I'm not giving you the 50 bucks", I was freaking again. I mean, the car was almost empty, we had very little food, and, oh hey, one pack of smokes each! I was totally freaking about what the hell we were gonna do for the next week and a half until my pay check. Butt I still didn't say anything about it to Mike or dad. I did bitch about it all to Virginia and Cassie, and even Meghan at New Years. Cassie and Virginia both offered to give me 20 bucks for the week, but I told them no. This is not my fuck up and my friends, who are just as broke as I am, will not pay for it. My father can just ask his buddy Stan for some money for the week.

So, I get home that night and my brother was still up, so we were talking a bit. I asked him if he had had a chance o look at the list of apartments again, and he was like "No, and I'm not going to." Because he doesn't know what hes doing, but really, because he knows he doesn't have to and that someone else will do it for him. Then he gets to bitch all he wants about where we move because he didn't pick it. So, being as frustrated as I was, I told him that if he and Dad hadn't figured out what the hell they were gonna do and given me some feed back on these things by the middle of the month I was just gonna go do it myself, and no, not for all of us. For me. Michael's response? "If you think you can afford it, then go ahead." So, I told him I would. And when my father woke up the next morning I told him I was gonna find my own place and started looking.

So, This coming pay check, I am making payments on MY bills, screw the gas, they can't turn us off until march anyway, and you know what? I have plenty of blankets and sweaters and the like. I can shower at a friends house of they cut our heat and hot water. I'll pay the phone/internet- it's in my name- and my loans. And everything else is going into my savings account for a deposit and first months rent. I went to see four studios in the city on Friday. Not the greatest buildings, but it's 460/month, everything included, so it's in my budget. I have already called/emailed about a few "roommate" wanted ads, and a few other studios. I actually haven't found many efficiencies. But, I'm doing this, damn it all. I can afford up to 500 for rent and utilities. As long as I stay below about 450 for rent I should be fine. I'll still be able to pay on my back bills and my loans. I don't have that many or large bills anyway. One more payment of 175 and my credit card is paid off. the following month I'll give 175 to the hospital and get rid of that bill, and then I have about 300 to a old cell phone, and 180 to an old bank. That's it, as far as I Know. So, yeah, not the greatest credit, but... What can you do. Keeping it at about 175 towards back bills a month, like I have been doing since October, I should be all done by the end of May. Which would ROCK. It'll be the first time in my LIFE that there are no bills outstanding in my name. And as long as I can get the rent and utilities for under 500, I can stick to that budget.

I even added in the price of public transportation when I did my budget. It'll take me 1-1 1/2 hours to get to work, but it's a lot cheaper, and for me, a lot less stressful. Most of the places I have been looking at are in he Tower Grove area, the Loop, Central West End, and South City. Which are all very bus friendly areas. Now, I know nothing about the City, so I won't know what the neighborhoods are like until I get there to see them, but I'm stupidly easy to please with those things. I am not afraid of the city, actually, standing on a porch at night in the 'burbs or less freaks me out more than the ghetto. ANIMALS. I freak out every time at Wrockstock if I have to walk somewhere in the dark alone. o_0 Now, walk me around Battery City or Brooklyn in the middle of the night and I feel fine. *Shrug* Don't ask me why.

So, I have to go look at more places. If any of my friends are looking to get into a roommate situation and don't mind that I smoke, let me know! I would even be willing to be an outside smoker, but the smell still clings to my hair and clothes and all that. But i would be cool to room with a friend, have some moral support for each other as we get out there on our own. ^_^

Well, I have to get back to the search, and clean my room again. Wish me luck!
Much love,
~Swanky