Hey guys...

Sorry, but things have gotten a little hetic this week, so this blog has- unfortuanate as it is- been put on hold. I will return on Monday with the pics of my Fancy Hat and a new set of recommendations. I am sorry about this.

I've got the Soul-Sucking Monster Fic of DOOM! to finish, but before I go, I just want to throw two things out here- which I will expound upon next week.

First, I've been feeling a bit... lackadaisical about entering the Theatre world. I've been thinking about my choice of career paths a lot recently, and the only conclusion I can come to is that it just doesn't seem to fit anymore. I love the Theatre, but it feels like a hobby, not a career, and I don't tend to mesh well with thespians, with certain notable exception. I'd say, 9/10 of the people I have worked with on shows hated me, the other 1/10 have become very close friends of mine. o_0 That's not great odds there... Anyway, next week, maybe I'll have some of this thought out better and I can work out how I'm feeling a bit more.

Second, I miss my friends. I have been reading my friends blogs- the ones that keep blogs that is- and I've realized something: we are all moving on. I'm not this ones 'oldest and bestest friend' anymore, or that one person that can always cheer up that one. Being so far from my friends has made it actually impossible for me to stay as close to them as I used to be. I know I don't keep in touch with people like I should, and that that is part of the reason I am not as close to my friends, but it really is more than that. For some of m friends, it seems like the only thing we have in common any more is fanfiction. For others, it's just a matter of not keeping up on each others lives.

Part of me thinks that it's that my friends are out growing me. This is an odd feeling for me- usually, it's me that out grows my friends. I know that sounds bad, but its true. Nearly every close friend I have lost touch with, it was because I had reached a maturity level that they hadn't yet. It's not really a bad thing, but it always made me feel bad- like I was being stuck up. But when you reach a point in your life that someone else hasn't gotten to yet, it cause a rift between you. I feel like its happening again, en mass, and I am the one that hasn't mature as quickly. Most of my friends are working, married, have kids or other responsibilities. I'm still a kid in comparison. I can't even decide what it is I want from life, at all. I can't even settle on a major!

I'm supposed to have graduated, be working, starting my own life. But I'm not, and my friends are. It sucks, because I don't like this new distance between me and my friends, but I don't know how to fix it. Its easy to say "well, decide what yo want, and start working for it! catch up to them!" Its not so easy to do it. Part of me is scared, part of me doesn't want to give up being a kid yet, but most of me is just really confused. And, there is a part of me that thinks that everything I'm going through right now is just because I'm emotionally screwed. That if I got help, and maybe even if I went on anti-depressants, things wouldn't seem so bad. I would be able to figure out what I want, start working for it, and not get left behind by my friends.

I guess it all just really boils down to the same as the first: I don't know what I want, and I need to figure it out. I wish it were as easy to do as to type.

Well, enough of this boring, depressing talk! It's almost Turkey Day! And I have a story to finish. So, I'm going to get some sleep and start fresh and new tomorrow.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I will see you again on Monday!

Until next time, my friends,
~Swanky