Serious things to talk about here

So, recently I've been having thoughts about my future. Things like my goals and how to reach them. What I actually want, and what I don't. It's been a very difficult to have to really sit and think about these things, especially since I have not been reaching the conclusions I once thought I would.

I needed to gather my thoughts clearly. Take a good look at what I want and exactly where I want to go. I thought that a good place to start would be to list what my goals actually are- both short term and long term. Looking at the list now, I notice that I haven't had a list of goals that were so vague in a very long time, and this worries me. I used to feel s sure of exactly what I wanted, and now, I seem to be as confused as I was back in high school. The biggest problem is that looking at my list I am at a loss as to what to do to accomplish them. The short-term goals are fairly straight forward- get a license, a well paying job (with benefits), move out on my own. I can see how to d those things. What I can't figure out is what to do about my long-term goals, as they are all so... wishy-washy.

I want to study religions, history and things like anthropology and archeology for a career. I want to travel to the places I have dreamed about my whole life. Places like Jerusalem, Egypt, India, the Far East, Africa, the Mayan and Inca ruins in South America. I want to do something that keeps me engaged and learning. I want to be able to look at a painting and pick out the social importance of it for both the time it was made and for ourselves.

I want to see and do things that are breathtakingly amazing- to me. I used to want to be in the Peace Corps, and while that isn't one of my goals anymore, it is very similar to what I want now. I want to help people when I can, how I can, and I would love to be an important mover of knowledge and information. Not at a teacher in a classroom, but as a student in the world.

I don't know where these goals lead me. I don't know what careers out there would allow me to do these things, go these places and learn all that I want to know. All I know is that my previous goal of working in the theater is no longer where I want to go. Theater will always be an important part of my life, but as a hobby, not as a career or a way of life. I know this, but it leaves me s confused as to what comes next.

I have spent so much of my life working towards a life in theater that it has become an integral part of who I am. If I am not the person that was so sure that theater was my life, then who am I?

I don't know. And I don't know how to figure it out. Well, it's late, and I should get to bed and stop rambling on. I actually feel better for having at least put this all down. Hopefully, I'll be able to figure some of this out now.

Well, until next time my dears,
~Swanky