It's really a simple question- a very simple task. Find the moment in which all sanity left my life. Really, the solution requires no more than thought, sifting through foggy memory to find that one shining moment in which my life switched from one reality to another. One would think a thing like that- the leaving of one space-time and entering of another- would be something that would be easy to recognize- especially when that brave new world you seem to have be transported to has no semblance of order or logic as you once knew them.
Yes, it's a simple question, with an equally simple answer, but hell if I can find it.
My father believes that he is going to be offered a job in Witchitaw(sp?), Kansas, about 6 hours from St. Louis and all it's glory. Obviously, it would be completely crappy of him to have dragged Michael all the way out here in hopes of finding a break in the St. Louis music world and then, less than a full four months later, drag him six hours from said music world. But then, life is crappy sometimes, or so that's how it seems to me- hell, to be honest it seems to me that life is crappy most of the time, which just makes those few not-so-crappy moments all the more memorable. So, yes, I understand that it would suck for Michael to move to Whichataw(sp?). That part of my father's thought process seems to remain in the original space-time with it's orderly construction of logic.
And, granted, it would be sucky for me to have to move to Witchataw(sp?) as well. I mean, I have friends here in St. Louis. Really, when it boils down to it, that's all I have here, but it's better than nothing. I suppose life would not be too different being 6 hours from those friends than it is being here, twenty minutes from those friends. It's not like I go out often with them- not really anyway- and I have lived without enjoyable company in my general vicinity before, I could do it again. Still, it's nice to have the option of going out with my friends, even if I do not act on it. So, once again, I can understand the logic behind the statement "Swanky may not want to move". I am on the same page with my father there, but there it ends.
Perhaps this reality is not lacking in logic at all, now that I think of it. I mean, there is an obvious correlation between "this would be sucky" and my father's next stop on the Logic Express. Perhaps instead, it is that I have missed that particular train, still believing myself to be in the space-time in which undeniable fact is just that- undeniable. Yes, I believe that is it. It seems the reality that my life has entered is not ruled by fact but rather by very, very wishful thinking. Perhaps, then, the key to finding where the tear in space-time occurred and I was whisked away from my nice orderly reality with it's facts and logic and into this strange world which revolves around only the illusion of Logic is to find the moment in which the reality of my life became hinged on simply wishing something were fact rather than fact itself. Perhaps the problem is simply that even though I have been transported to this new space-time, my mind is still trained to function in my original universe, the universe in which fact is fact and wishing is wishing. I'm surprised entropy hasn't set in yet, considering the amount of time I have been functioning in an unnatural space-time. Well, I suppose I could have simply replaced the Swanky of this space-time and therefore there would be no cause for entropy in either reality- though I haven't been endowed with the ability to dismiss fact for wishful thinking, so the entropy would still occur because of the fact that I am a radical particle in this space-time. But then, perhaps that is the problem, perhaps that is not a fact here, because who would wish for the end of the universe due to radical particles, entropy and chaos. If Wishful thinking is fact, then fact is dependent on someone wishing it were so...
No mind, the basics of the situation have been stated, all other musings on the topic are both frivolous and useless to our current problem: the inability of my mind to mesh with this space-time's version of Logic. I suppose the best way to go about answering this is to expand my test area and see how much of my reality has been effected.
Does it make sense to anyone else why my father would go from "this would be sucky" to "I must keep an apartment here for Michael and Swanky and one in Whichitaw(sp?) for myself, driving six hours one way each Friday and Sunday to commute between the two, leaving Swanky with no form of transport, money, or livelihood for five of the seven days in a week, for no other reason than so that they do not have to move." Well class, does anyone see the problem with this logic?
Life is still sucky, no matter how hard you wish it otherwise. What is the point in making the rest of not only your own life, but two other people's lives sucky just to save one not-so-sucky aspect? There will be not-so-sucky things about Whitchiataw(sp?). It may take us all a while to find them, but they are there. What is one not-so-sucky thing to another, when your options are that one thing or a life completely full of suck? Does anyone know the answer? Any ideas? Don't be afraid to raise your hand, here...
Anyone?
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?...
In case you hadn't realized about four sentences into this entry, I've been watching too much Startgate: Atlantis, with it's space travel and rifts between dimensions and really hot Aliens and snarky Astrophysicists. For those unfamiliar with the native language of M34-667 (aptly named "Planest of the Geeks), here is a simple translation for you, paragraph by paragraph:
1. Everyone I know is nuts.
2. I'm confused.
3. My father might be moving to Whitchiataw (I have no idea how to spell that and I am too lazy to look it up so I'll just use all the spelling options at once), Kansas. He doesn't think it would be fair of him to make Michael move there after dragging him all the way out here in the first place.
4. I don't particularly want to move, but what can you do. My father doesn't think it would be fair to force me to move either.
5. There is no point to this paragraph but to amuse me.
6. Back to the topic at hand: I'm confused, please help.
7. My father wants to maintain an apartment for my brother and I here and one for himself in Kansas, and I really don't see how that is (a) logical, (b) an acceptable option given that we are all adults and no longer need to be protected from the big bad world of REALITY, and (z) feasible given that we could barely make our bills with their spending habits when we have only one apartment to maintain, less commute, and only $5,000 less a year!
8. Can anyone tell me how it makes sense to try to blindly hide from the fact that life sucks sometimes and go making everything more difficult for everyone to save ONE comfort for some?
9. Anyone?
10. Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?...
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